Barney the Dinosaur’s Actor Gets EXPOSED

With so much serious news lately, we’ve decided to cover something equally as serious and shocking, since the man who played Dinosaur-kid sensation Barney for a full ten years on Barney and Friends, has just been exposed as a……dun, dun, dun, (drumroll) – a psychic and tantric sex aficionado. We know, we know, you thought we’d reveal that he was some sort of notorious pedophile, which would’ve been a major conflict of interest, but we’re so sorry, but that would be some serious fake news, just like the narrative of Russian meddling in the American election, which disillusioned and violent Democrats love so much, right?

So, all parents should be comforted to know that Barney was in fact played by an all around nice guy, named David Joyner for 18 seasons of the hit TV show, so when you saw him dance around with all those robust and bouncy moves, it was the psychic mind of David Joyner playing the notorious Purple T-Rex, that all parents have grown to have a love-hate relationship with, indeed.

Let’s see some of David’s positive and charismatic energy, shall we? Here he is with “Play Ball” and if you’ve got any of your annoying offspring around in the vicinity, you can now thank us in advance, because you can once again dispatch Barney as a c0-parent, once again.

Isn’t Barney just as mesmerizing as always? Plus,with ball games at the top of the agenda here, surely you can find a ball for your little rascal to play along with, can’t you? This will surely keep your child occupied for at least 27 minutes in total and you can get back to focusing on your smart phone or iPad and not vice versa.

Barney who sang the hit lyrics of “I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won’t you say you love me too?” over and over again, has been somewhat of a go to figure for parents throughout the years and who can blame them?

Since he has brought much relief to hungover parents since 1992 until 2005, with TV re-runs also spanning up until the year of 2015, for that much-needed parental relief for those that have kids between the ages of 1 to 8 years old. After this, there’ll be no more Barney for your kid.

David Joyner, the man behind the dinosaur suit. – Credit: Mirror

But, we all know that the show’s been a lifesaver to those parents that struggle with the daily routine of keeping your child occupied, during strenuous or stressful times, but just mind the bloody volume, would ya’?!

Since you don’t need another migraine, so simply plop them down in front of the television and take a nap in the room next door, that way you can’t hear Barney’s nursery rhymes, whilst you cover your head with a pillow, and contemplate ending it all, perhaps?

Don’t worry, Barney will save the day, as he always did. So, we have some epic news to make your Friday even better, for any new or old parents that have already over-exhausted every episode of the Barney and Friends saga, then you’ll be happy to hear that a new show is already slated for sometime in 2017. Yes, new and original episodes are coming and what beats that, huh? Yeah, not much, as this is surely the happiest news all week, perhaps, even from this whole year?

Anyway, back to David Joyner, the man in the suit, whilst Bob West voiced the Dinosaur in his own goofy style, it was surely David Joyner who brought Barney to life for all children watching.

Business Insider spoke to David Joyner about his time inside that purple costume, proving that the man lives a very interesting life, since he started working as a software analyst, then jumped straight into playing Barney. Excuse us, but WTF! How did this happen? Let’s us now find out some more about this intriguing story.

Would you really trust your kids with a bunch of dinosaurs? – Credit: Mirror

Incredibly David Joyner says he even foresaw playing the purple dinosaur, putting it down to his Psychic abilities. We sh*t you not! Great work if you can get it, aside from feeling very hot inside that costume with beaming studio lights pointed at you, all day. Wouldn’t you also like that Barney pay cheque, compared to your current day job?

So, David entered into the auditions (where are they and can we apply for the 2017 episodes?) and the night before he had a premonition, saying, “Well, the night before the audition, I had this dream. And in this dream, Barney passes out. And I have to give Barney mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. So on the way to the audition, I’m sitting at a stoplight, and something says ‘Look up.’ So I look up, and there’s this billboard. It says ‘Breathe life into your vacation – Southwest Airlines.”

Wow! Quite an amazing story, not to be disbelieved as miracles can truly happen, at any given time, you just have to be open to them. David then added, “And then it hits me. I had to breathe life into Barney in my dream. If I go into this audition and breathe life into this character, I’m going on vacation. And that’s exactly what I did.”

We wonder where he went, hopefully somewhere nice and as you read this, we can already feel your jealousy seeping into our eyes, via the InterWeb.

David Joyner said, So, of course, they called me and asked if I would be Barney. And I said, “Of course.” I pretty much already knew that I was going to be Barney. But it was great getting that phone call.”

Who knew that Barney had physic powers? We sure didn’t! – Credit: Flava

Self assurance can be a healthy benefactor in life and to “believe is to achieve” as they say, which Mr. Joyner has proven scientifically, right there.

Suiting up in the costume wasn’t always easy with the heating factor, plus the obstructed vision inside the purple dinosaur outfit, meant he couldn’t see anything, and so he prepared for the role by dancing through his apartment with a blindfold on. Pretty hard work, you could say.

David explained, “I would close my eyes, and I would try to feel energy. And try to feel the energy of anything that was around me. And then try to pick things up.”

Fair play, so let that be a lesson to all the aspiring mascots and future Barney applicants that are still out there, currently jobless.

However, there is another interesting fact you should know about Mr. Joyner and that is when he was only 19 years old, he began practicing Tantra and Tantric sex.

Tantric sex is kind of like yoga, but with more sex and less yoga. – Credit: StyleCaster

So apart from dancing very well, if you meet him, he might snap up your yoga loving significant other in a heartbeat, he’d have them at “I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family” and there’s nothing more that all women want to hear, right?

He would surely even give Sting a run for his money in the seduction department. So, somebody call The Police.

However, David went on record to refute such backwards thinking about how many believe that Tantra is only about sex, “A lot of times when people think about Tantra they think it’s all about sex. Well, Tantra’s much more than that. Because Tantra deals with loving energy, life force energy, and energy that rises through your system. Now, it’s no accident that I’ve been spreading ‘I love you’ all around the world.”

Clearly,  he’s right, so just “You Play on playa’!”

David Joyner most definitely has our seal of approval. (Frantically looking up Tantra now). Well, we thought we’d bring you some light entertainment to close out the week and with Barney and Friends, you just can’t go wrong, can you?

Brainstain, over and out!

Buy the Barney the Feature Film right here, so that your kid is forever busy!

<Story by The Narrator>

Featured Photo Credit: People

5 Comments

  1. I absolutely love your take on my interview with The Business Insider. Adding the episode was pretty amazing as well. As I was watching, I could feel my spirit reliving moments inside the costume shooting this episode. Great, Great memories!!!!! Thank You… Really loved your sense
    of humor explaining a little about Tantra also.

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