A Very (Early) Merry Christmas Greeting From Brainstain News

Well, hello everyone! This, if you didn’t already know, is our second Christmas with you all, and so we’re spreading the “Christmas Cheer” far and wide again this year, sending out love, positive vibes, and some Christmas advice to all our faithful fans and followers out there. As luck would have it, Christmas Eve falls on a Sunday this year, and Christmas Day falls on a Monday, so that you’ve got those days off work already, followed by Boxing Day and so on and so forth.

So, when you head out of work this Friday evening, just try to contain your excitement and try not to go straight to the bar to drink yourself into oblivion tonight. No, you should save yourself to be in tip-top shape for all that last-minute Christmas shopping tomorrow, weaving in and out of human traffic in the Christmas Rush, trying to come up with last-minute gift ideas for all those people that you didn’t even buy anything for just yet.

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TheFrisky

So don’t accrue yourself a hangover from Saturday’s last beckon call of unplanned presents for any friends, family and or significant others… Remember, Santa Claus is not going to do the Xmas shopping for you like in the olden days when presents just magically appeared under the ol’ Christmas tree, courtesy of Santa’s late night visit.

The final Christmas Rush is very important considering that’s when most normal (aka lazy) people do their Christmas shopping, so it’s literally going to be absolute CHAOS out there for all you late shoppers, you see? Can we get an “AMEN!” in this house of Jesus Christ, please?

You’re not the only one that unfortunately didn’t buy a single thing just yet. You’ll simply have to march out of the trenches tomorrow, and brace yourself for the oncoming onslaught of Christmas spending and over aggressive shoppers pushing and shoving at the payment line.

Joy to the World, Christmas is finally here! 

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Odyssey

Now, we thought we would offer that advice today, rather than succumbing to the news of yet more worldwide radical Islamic terrorism, or liberal left lunacy this Friday, plus we thought it would also be nice to completely shun the escapades of Satanic Hollywood for just one day… Let’s not go there.

To each their own religion and all that good stuff. We practice liberal values and respect all religions here, so as long as they’re peaceful in nature. Christmas is just that after all; a truly wonderful time of year for family, friends, food and other festivities. Perhaps, there’ll also be a present or two for good measure to really get you into the spirit of things, such as “giving” somebody something to make them happy or put a smile on their face. Sweet!

So with that in mind, we now have to bring you the bad news, and that’s that Brainstain will be closed over the holidays. Ahhhh! We know, we know, but the good news is that we’ll be back, just like Arnold Schwarnegger holding a 12-gauge shotgun, ready to BLAST some scattering news bullets at you from all different directions, (with added shades of coolness of course) after our very short break is over. How about that?! Huh! How you like us now?!

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Grifirific

Yes, we will recharge, and stock up on even more news ammunition, and do some additional interesting research as well.

As you head into this Christmas weekend of wholesomeness, all in the name of Jesus Christ’s birth (and the three wise men baring gifts for God’s son), we remind you to enjoy yourself and to bask in this blissful time off to spend it doing what you love most, whatever that may be. As long as it’s not something criminal, okay?

In the meantime, why don’t you content yourself with our massive archive of stellar work, consisting of 880 articles full of logical views, commentary, humor, and real news? YES! Not fake news, but real news, with added spicy slices of satire all mixed into the pot. We surely have as many fans as we have so-called liberal HATERS, so there’s definitely something for everyone in our treasure trove of work, you see?

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Brainstain

Now’s literally the perfect time to read and catch up on all our previous work, and share them amongst family and friends for the holiday season. Trust us, you will not be disappointed. You might even learn a thing or two, plus it’ll be really helping us to go viral all over again.

But just in case that’s not enough for you, we will still be running side content on our Twitter and Facebook pages, as well as delivering memes over on our Instagram page during the holiday season to keep you extra entertained. It’s not like it’s a total media blackout, like that horrible mass shooting in Las Vegas this year or anything…

Have a very Merry Christmas from all of us here at Brainstain!

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“Tis the season to be Jolly!”

Brainstain, over and out!

<Story by The Narrator>

Featured Photo Credit: Brainstain

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