On March 17th 2017 worlds collided, cultures and values clashed and volcanos erupted when the supreme leader of the free world came face to face with the mother of all migrants, Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel.
Trump and Merkel’s historical first public appearance was a little awkward to say the very least, but for all the right reasons.
During a joint appearance at the White House, Trump appeared to deliberately ignore requests to shake the hand of Merkel for a shameless photo opportunity for the fake news masses. As photographers called for the two to shake hands, Merkel could be heard saying: “Do you want to have a handshake?” Under the noise of flashbulbs as a clearly disinterested Trump ignored her pleas for publicity.
Trump briefly turned towards her, but continued sitting with his legs apart and hands together. A true act of defiance in the face of adversity of a left-wing ideology and political correctness that has dictated humanity for far too long.
In bitter defeat, Merkel turned back to face the cameras, smiling thinly, looking like the complete and utter loser that she is.
This scene could have played out so differently in a parallel universe in which Hillary Clinton won the 2016 American Presidential Election. It would have been a scene straight out of a witch’s covent, seeing two hags seeking and plotting to destroy western civilization, perish that thought.
There are many logical and objective reasons as to why Trump did not want to shake Merkel’s grubby little hand; here we look at 10 reasons why Donald Trump probably did not want to shake Angela Merkel’s hand. I mean, would you want to touch a hand, that’s so utterly repulsive?
1 – She has blood on her hands due to the Islamization of Germany
Well, that’s what happens when you casually invite millions of undocumented migrants and refugees to your country with Islamic extremist intentions, and the American President knows that. “Immigration is a privilege, not a right, and the safety of our citizens must always come first,” Trump has said on the influx of illegal refugees damaging the western world, something Merkel cannot seem to fathom or even get her head around.
Take the Islamic terrorist attack which occurred on 19 December 2016, during which a truck was driven into a Christmas market next to the Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church at Breitscheidplatz in Berlin, which left 12 people dead and 56 others injured. Or how about the time an Afghan refugee (refugee, seems to be a common occurrence here) hacked passengers with an axe as he shouted “Allahu Akbar, during a rampage on a train in Germany on July 18th 2016.
Merkel literally has the blood of German people on her hands, no wonder Trump didn’t want to come into physical contact with her murderous palms. Trump has always been pretty vocal of Merkel and her open door policy; he has previously accused her of “ruining” Germany for allowing an influx of refugees from Syria. “You watch what happens to Angela Merkel, who I always thought of as a very good leader until she did this. I don’t know what went wrong with her,” said then-candidate Trump at a rally in Virginia, during the 2016 Presidential election. “What went wrong? Angela, what happened?” Trump is hygienic and blood tends to stain and it’s hard to wash out. Make America clean again is not just a motto, you know?
2 – Don’t touch me; your non halal hands offend me
In Islam, a Muslim man cannot shake hands with a woman and because Merkel is now the official spokesperson for everything Islamic, maybe Trump was just being respectful and thus respecting her converted beliefs?
3 – Merkel the monster
Trump has previously declared that he will ‘’drain the swamp’’ of political sewage and left-wing corruption. So, why would he want to shake the hand of the demonic swamp thing herself? Imagine her smelly, monstrous and grotesque hand reaching out to grab you? Where’s the hand sanitizer, quick!
4 – His touch is only for Theresa
Trump has already felt the smooth, reinsuring and patriotic grip that is British Prime Minster, Theresa May. Maybe the thought of shaking a Germans hand was too much of a risk, after all, why risk denting and putting at jeopardy the “special relationship’’ America has with the UK. We Brits are quite jealous you know and Hell hath no fury like a British lover scorned.
5 – Touch and proceed with precaution
There are literally a million types of germs and bacteria that crawl on your hands, maybe Trump was just being cautious?
6 – Is that sweat on your hands or are you just excited to meet me?
Being sat next to someone so godlike and indestructible, who opposes everything that you stand for like Trump, can be intimidating, so maybe Merkel’s palms were simply sweating because she was nervous? So, you can’t really blame Trump for not wanting to touch a hand that feels like a leaky witches cauldron, now can you? Plus, we have established that Merkel is a witch, and nobody really wants to touch a witch.
7 – Did she wash after she flushed?
Did Merkel have to desperately use the little girl’s room and forget to wash her hands in the process? There are CIA spies literally everywhere in the Whitehouse, you know? Even in the bathroom. Nobody wants to shake a hand that smells of urine.
8 –Fester Händedruck, that’s firm handshake in German
Germans are rather renowned for their firm handshakes, so maybe the grip of a heavy-handed German was not appealing to the President?
9 – Night of the Merkel
Merkel does have the expressionless face of a lifeless zombie, we wouldn’t blame Trump for thinking that she was something straight out of the ‘Walking Dead’ and ready to bite his hand off.
10 – Trump is not a hypocrite
Or maybe, just maybe The President of the United States and Leader of the free world did not want to “sell out’’ just for a publicity shot with the Chancellor of Germany. Trump is very outspoken and has little time for diplomatic and politically correct niceties, especially when it comes to the issues of Islamic terrorism and the flood gate that is migration, everything that Angela Merkel represents. A handshake is symbolic of unity and partnership, but to shake the hand of the woman who single-handedly is responsible for destroying Germany and Europe? As Trump put it quite bluntly himself “she blew it … She ought to be ashamed of herself” on her shambolic handling of Germany’s migrant crisis. We couldn’t agree more with you Mr Trump.
The only thing Donald Trump said that he had in common with Angela Merkel, was being wiretapped by Barack Obama.
Story by Michael Lee
Featured Photo Credit: Lepoint